Stupid, Stupid Me
by Alfreya-chan13
Summary: A story about Eri. I don't know how to write summaries, so bear with me.
**Hello, it's me. I'm back with yet, another fanfiction. I finished this last night and was supposed to post it last night, but wouldn't cooperate, so I decided I'll post it tomorrow, which is today. This time, the story is about Eri. Basically, what Eri felt here in the story is what I felt in real life. So it's my story inside another person's perspective minus the daughter part. Enjoy! :D**

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It's been ten years. Ten years since I last interacted with his being. Ten years since I last saw his perfectly chiseled face. Ten years since I left without goodbye. Ten years since I last stayed with him and my daughter. Ten years since I thought I moved on from him but figured out I still loved him with all my heart.

To this very moment, my chest clenched tightly. A downpour of my feelings started to rain and soon overwhelmed me. It was as if a punch came gliding towards me and hit my cheek fair and square. All the gears in my head started moving as I recounted all the times I was being stupid to him, although he _is_ the stupid one.

I gave out a sigh as I stood up from my seat, the rays of the sun casted a looming light all over me, a shadow of desperation and guilt formed before my eyes. My heavy footsteps echoed all throughout my office, a need for some wine and a book craved at the tip of my tongue. Goro followed my trails like a puppy without a master. Laughing slightly, I caressed the black cat with love.

Picking up the glass – filled wine and the book beside it, I then moved to my desk, carrying the things I needed with me. Again, my cat followed me. He perched on my table, licking his fur as he made himself comfortable. I took a sip from my wine, staring straight ahead with a blank expression on my features.

What if I was still with him? What would happen if I stayed by his side and took care of our daughter together? What if I thought of my actions first before leaving? _What if none of this ever happened?_

The questions kept racking my mind. I could feel an oncoming headache. My chest clenched tighter than ever. Tears started to cast trails down my cheeks, staining the cover of my book which sat untouched. I took another sip of my wine, wiping slight tinges of the red colored drink off the corners of my mouth.

 _If you weren't so dense and oblivious to the way he acts and thinks, then you wouldn't be here,_ alone.

I shut my eyes tightly, the inner voices in my head kept speaking.

 _You are so imprudent. I bet Ran would think the same thing._

"No, please. Not my daughter." I whispered.

 _It would be better if Kogoro would look for someone else. You are nothing but a senseless lawyer who'd think what's better for herself than her family._

"Stop, please. I'm begging you. Just, stop."

 _You are so heartless. No wonder Kogoro wants_ nothing _to do with you._

"Shut up!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my fingers now fisted the lobes of my ears as I crouched in a fetus position. I started sobbing uncontrollably, my chokes and sniffles erupted from my lips.

"I love him. I still do. Please understand that."

I hear my office door open, followed by a shocked gasp from a female. I remained on my position as I heard her footsteps run toward me. Her arms held my shoulders, pushing me to look at her pale blue eyes. It was Kuriyama, my secretary. I paid no attention to her status and buried my head on her shoulders. I didn't want to stop crying, no matter how embarrassing and weird the situation was.

I cried for a good ten minutes. My sobs slowly faded into tiny whimpers, my eyes bloodshot red.

I clung onto her like a rope. My arms grasped her tightly as she moved me into a sitting position. By that time, I already calmed down. Looking at Kuriyama, I sighed in sorrow. The tears started pooling my eyes again, and I shut them. The droplets fell freely, though I am not close to breaking down again. Kuriyama grasped one of my hands and squeezed lightly.

"Sensei, what's wrong?" she asked me, her voice so soft and gentle and caring. I shook my head and buried my face onto my hands, letting go of the grasp from the person in front of me.

"I'm so stupid, Kuriyama – san." I croaked, the words felt heavy and painful as they came out from my lips.

"Does this have something to do with Kogoro – san?"

My heart wrenched again on my chest as I heard his name. A throng of sobs were ready to come out, but I held it back. I nodded once, answering her question. I could feel her sigh with admiration, though I don't see why me crying about my ex – husband could be so admirable. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Kuriyama smiled, and leaned back.

"I know you still love him, sensei. Apparently, you thinking about Kogoro – san would either make you mad or annoyed. I always thought you disliked him, but from the way I see it right now, you still love him." She spoke earnestly, the admired look and tender smile never leaving her face.

"I do. It's just that, I realized how stupid I was of ever thinking of leaving him. He is my husband, and we do have a daughter together. I want to be with him again and tell him that I still love him, even if it was just for a while, as long as I know he is right there, beside me, looking as if he wouldn't let me go ever again." I said to her. The way I said those words were all honest, which surprised me. She gave me a funny look then wrapped her arms around her knees.

"Why don't you tell him then?"

"I can't tell him."

"Why not?"

 _It's because he doesn't feel the same way anymore_ , I thought. A sigh erupted from my lips.

"I'm afraid, that's why." Kuriyama moved closer.

"Why are you afraid?"

"I'm afraid he might not feel the same way. You saw how he flirts with other girls right? How can I know if he still loves me when all he does is go chase after other girls?" I said and she nodded in agreement. Kuriyama turned her head to my direction, insistence carved onto her face. I swear this girl can be so surprising.

"You don't have to be afraid, sensei. Besides, a little confession wouldn't hurt at all. If you just let him see how you feel for him, then he might get the picture and realize it. Who knows, maybe he feels the same way. Try telling him and we'll wait and see the results. After all, this might bring joy to Ran – san." She offered me a smile before getting up on her feet. Her long legs walked to the door, stopping for a while and looked at me once more. I smiled and stood up as well.

"I guess I'll do it, but not today." I spoke and brushed off the tiny particles from the floor off of me. I gave her a sad smile, before she left me alone again.

I carefully thought of Kuriyama's words. Perhaps trying won't be so bad. If I find the right time to tell him, then maybe, just maybe, everything will just be like before.

I moved to my desk, propping on my chair and drinking the remaining wine left on my glass. Goro was asleep, so I petted him lightly and stared at my window. Perhaps a little push would be enough to start a hopeful and big start to a life I always wanted back. I smiled, opening the book I picked and started reading.

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 **And there we have it! I'm not going into the details about my love life, so please rate, subscribe, comment, and favorite my story! Love lots peeps!**


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